[Author’s note to self: blogging after coming home.]

Dear evil diary,

Okay, I made Alto I, which is a low-end Soprano, which is my natural voice, which is being forced to sing in my local church choir as alto, which is the part this new gig has need, and I paid $161.00 for my ‘tuition’ and singing materials, which are too freaking difficult for those choisters who cannot sight read! Y’all must learn to sight read the freaking notes in order to keep up with the back rows, which contain the experts of dedicated musicians, who are mostly, err, whitish, oldish, and nice. I can sight read and sing the notes all scrunched together, thanks to being able to read notes and play the piano at level three.

From 1900 to 2130, we were practicing at a church hall that is similar to that of Mister POTUS Trump, and we were excused early due to choisters registering and buying their music material since 1830. Meistro whoever used the word ‘stuff’ during his teachings and I kept focused on his every words, which I’ll forget due to be overloaded in the brain from other crap at the homefront. But it was worth it, except carpooling. He kept looking into our (my) direction, since I was the only kid with LONG black curly hair. Brouhaha!

I hated carpooling with the SMART mathematician, who is now retired from a big company and widowed and is probably alone and lonely due to being dedicated to music since she was six years old and would have been a nun of all sorts. She shared pictures of neighborhood kids singing and two of seven whatever families celebrated Christmas at her home. She puts up her own Christmas decorations and had the gardener haul the decors from the attic and back. Sheesh.

But she’s kindly like most whitish humanz and I couldn’t disappoint her by not auditioning for the second time, successfully so, this time. But I told her I couldn’t ride in her car or SUV, which was either stuffy or too cold, etc, and I can NOT be in control because I’ve gotten claustrophoic and sick easily from any type of motion-sickness, which would explain why I really detest traveling! Okay? I do NOT like traveling! My brain cannot calculate motion without my control behind the wheel!

And that is what Maestro whoever noticed during my audition and that I was trying to control the sound and singing. He told me to just keep the aah, aye, eee, and open my throat and used imagery of looking at the skies and just say, aah. Whatever! I did do the scales really high and then really low, rather well and with much surprise, so he can determine that I was really more of a soprano than an alto and that I mentioned Mrs. Gustafson, my music teacher in middle school that she said that I was a soprano, but he said that she’s PROBABLY right. I think he was just being merciful or nice or that he heard me sing my choir music in both alto and tenor as he came upstairs! Sheesh!

20180108-2346. Addendum after coming home. Okay, so I’m home again and my parents are watching YouTube videos of parrots. Below are my complaints in points:

Point one: No carpooling! Bertha and the mathematician are elderly and they talked amongst themselves about elderly aches and pain and medications, including Bertha’s husband, who takes the chemo meds costing $9,000 for 120 pills or four times a day for one month. They talked about Mexican bread and OMG I wanted to get out and drive myself! I’m just so used to being designated driver! No wonder my elderly parents are upset with my driving! I feel sick just thinking about carpooling! Either let me drive or you can just take a hike!Q

Point two: Sight reading! OMG! If I didn’t know how to read notes and at least play the piano, I would be totally lost! I was able to ‘calculate’ where I left off and can recover where we are located in the song by listening to the expert musicians singing behind us. My sponsor and others haven’t sung that LONG piece, which is supposed to be ONE freaking hour long in a LIVE performance.

Point three: Stamina and endurance! Y’all are freaking dedicated if y’all can stand one freaking hour! I think I can do so since I’ve lifted heavy objects, like grocery bags, which helped to tone my fatness, err, muscles and suchs. I’ve lost about five pounds in one week (last week) while on that Nutrisystem diet, which I bought for one month, in order to slim down for the upcoming event. Anyway, yeah, I’m gonna wear sensible shoes, which is FLAT!

Point four: Traveling! The group travels. I’m a primary caregiver. I worry about my elderly parents, who don’t mind if I go away and experience being out there amongst the humanz. Sheesh.

Point five: Tuition! It’s ranges from $144 to $200 whatever. This is for every semester staring January and then again in September. I guess that means it’s good for practicing, since Maestro whoever does ‘lecture’ under the guise of ‘education’. He can sing low and then sing high like a soprano and he can be loud. He keeps telling the old timers NO VIBRATO. But I guess they are hard of hearing, too! He emphasized listening. I guess no one seems to listen as others hush their yapping in between ‘lectures’. He knows how to roll the tongue, which I do VERY well at my local parish choir. Brouhaha!

Point six: It’s a committment but humanz get sick, fall ill, get into accidents and can’t be forced to attend all practicing and whatever. And well I hope it goes well. I may just try one semester and leave or stay, depending on my attitude, which is mostly bad and stubborn, considering that I do have a potty mouth, when frustrated, especially if things don’t go my way!

Point seven: Hearing aide. Well, I’m trying to following the best and it’s difficult when these yappers are talking LOUDLY to each other and the echo inside the parish hall is too LOUD! Un-freaking believable! Yeah, and it’s a good thing I wore my hearing aides, because I couldn’t hear the experts singing behind us. Sheesh! I’d surely be lost. I couldn’t filter out the background noise with my advanced hearing aides while conversing with humanz in conversational tones! I swear! Can’t y’all improve the hearing aide technology and NOT charge so much as to price out humanz who are poor, like moi; so I don’t have to be right up close to the speaker’s face and read the lips and smell the bad breaths? Sheesh!


Evil Kitty

P.S. I wonder if my name and mugshot will be made public. If so, just troll the city’s website anon. Brouhaha! I suck for now, but I will improve. Eh. Whatever. I don’t care. Yeah, well maybe I do because I have no life, no real responsibilities, and well, I do need something to do on my spare time while under and unemployed. Sheesh.

Categories: flynnspaws

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