Dear diary,

I’ve finished pooping a slong one a few minutes ago. And my right eyeball has been itchy and watery. Dad is washing dishes in Mom’s private bathroom. Mom is talking to ‘Amy’ the divorced wife who was abused and who has been trying to connect with the husband’s relatives, who only care about their bloodline.

So Mom says: Speak you mind. Don’t let him intimidate you. I feel sorry for you. No matter how nice you are, you are NOT loved. Give them only one hundred.

With that said, that’s the truth. I wonder why in-laws mistreat each other. Their story shifted to the first wife, who was NOT defended by that husband against the attacking relatives.

That’s another reason why I do NOT wish to get involved with anyone with baggage because of the attacks. I guess the Lawd Gawd has been protecting moi; so that I won’t have hurt feelings.

Try as I must, I’ve sacrificed. But to what end? I see no point in trying to be ‘nice’. I think I better just stop getting nosy and mind my own business. As a matter of fact, how about if I just stop blogging and following others and start living my own life?

I feel I’ve been wasting my time and stuff. Maybe I’m being greedy, selfish. I cannot keep this up! With Mom’s pending procedure of pacer removal or not and/or IV antibiotics for three freaking months, I’m NOT gonna hold my breath.

So Dad and I visited two SNFs (skill nursing facility) and found that both have LIMITED parking space. The first SNF was near this hospital but one room has three beds! The rooms are semi-private.

The second SNF is near another hospital. There are two rooms that are nice. Both have two beds. The first room has two empty clean beds. One can be fully covered if clinically-approved. The second one can be bought for $350 per day, if the patient wishes to have that one room.

The other room already has a quiet elderly woman and Mom can decide on this quieter corner.

And I was thinking of having Mom live at home during the treatment. But that would mean we have to pay outta pocket for medications and supplies. Mom was worried that they couldn’t pay me my monthly compensation as gifts for being a good daughter, err, caregiver.

I kinda don’t care either way. If Mom goes to an SNF, everything is fully covered. Whereas, at home treatment, we would pay outta pocket. I guess their is assisted living. But I don’t know anything about that one.

There a lot to research about the care and maintenance of a human! Hey! If y’all still have one to gift, I’d like a signed copy. I think that was one old book that I don’t have in my mini collection.

So with at home treatment, Mom gets to talk to the parakeets, cook and clean for us (yes, she won’t be excused from serving while still able-bodied), and just being at the comfort of home.

We requested only an RN and we prefer the outpatient therapists instead of at-home, which we tried twice but Mom was feeling too weak and had too much pain.

The pain management at this hospital is great as Mom gets to sleep off, err, feel comfortable and get her much needed sleep. She had a stiff and painful neck and a tummy ache, which I was thinking had something to do with her blood problem.

Maybe, I’ll just go dark again as I’m realizing that the spooks won’t ever leave me be. While washing myself after the pooping session, I had an incoming thought – a blast from the past.

That one chatter online was playing me. I couldn’t tell, but had that small sleepy thought in the back of my mind, as called me ‘angel’. Brouhaha! Shut up! I neither know nor understand what was happening then and now. Seriously.

I keep eating breadcrumbs but don’t seem to feel full. I better stop.


FLYNN B-fudged

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