Dear diary,

I’m just now sitting down to blog while stuffing my face with Dad’s leftover fried rice full of dried garlice which he smashed flat for flavor from yesterday. He’s been busy ironing his freshly washed dress shirts. He’ll probably be finished this midnight. The other day he washed his dress slacked and ironed those until past midnight, too.

Anyway, tonight’s choir rehearsal with team SJSC went well. I saw and hugged the choir leader of my church choir, signed in with a check mark next to my name since I already registered online, and picked up two music pieces which I purchased online ahead of time. Then for fifteen minutes, we did vocal warm ups – simple scales and arpeggios. Then Herr Maestro talked about the history about one music piece. Then we practiced the ‘Gloria’ section.

I had to share my music with a backup pianist or accompanist to my right. She sings better than me as she and the larger females behind her hit every freaking notes! That’s because most of these elderly and disabled humanz are MUSICIANS and have been with the group for too long! They are hard-core and I feel intimidated enough NOT to prolong my pain and suffering with them.

One of my church choir member suddenly appeared behind me, but she sings first soprano. I don’t know how she sang her part when the accompanist and me sing first alto. I felt like a sandwich wedged between well-seasoned old farts and professionals, like DB, I’m sure. I simply can NOT keep up.

I feel like a congested wooden log full of slimy greenish moss or algae that’s struggling to float in a watery demise – while inhaling old body sweat and bad rotten breath! OMG! I hope I do NOT get a relapse of sickness from inhaling their cooties! I couldn’t stop coughing and sneezing while eating my late dinner.

Oh, the church choir member happens to be a music director among the Vietnamese community and has a very busy schedule teaching, too. She can conduct but her tempo is off by a fraction. So I’m supposed to be honored to be among dedicated church goers but really I feel outta place as I am NOT a musician and I am NOT a church goer!

Do y’all understand now why I rant? I’ve been given many opportunities to join and have been presented a full plate of delectables, which is probably making me sick and tired. I feel like I’ve recently inherited Mom’s allergies in the eyes – being watery, cloudy, and itchy AND having asthma-like congestions or bronchial spasms due to change in colder temperatures.

And to make me doubtful of my choices in singing and in life generakly, Mom did NOT like the idea of my staying late at night for three hours of choir rehearsal. But in hindsight, no one bugged me while I attended night classes at colleges.

But the alternative is to quit and have nothing accomplished in life. Das Squirrel simply replied to my text messages: Good. There is no weight of excitement or encouragement. He’s proud that I’m doing something worth bragging about on Facebook and with my life.

Alas! If I knew WTF I wanted and WTF I can do with my life, I would do so in an instance. But as a creature of habit, I’ve resigned myself to being a recluse, like Dad. We do NOT like commotion or noise. We like solitude and walking, which is like hiking but only at a leisurely pace for exercising sake. But I have bad hearing and that doesn’t help with conversation as I’m used to guessing and assuming most of my life.

So when our choir leader complained about the children’s choir tagging the main choir, after the previous choir conductor left due to budget constraints, I am further doubtful about staying with the church choir. She emphasized that there is too much politics among the various groups – liturgy, eucharist, choir, usher, etc. My parents and I and other Filipinos know about the damn church politics. It’s just a mess because she said that certain groups get to list their ‘shits’ and she feels that they do NOT want her in the meetings.

So with that said, I’ll cut it loose at the end of this year. I won’t donate my Stang just yet because it still runs like butter – smooth and creamy. Seriously, the family to whom I’ll donate my car with greatly benefit as the wheels AND paint are new.

I will still donate my car the end of this year when the next six-month auto insurance kicks in – at around three hundred bucks. Plus, there’s the two hundred bucks for DMV registration and then bi-annual smog checks for one hundre bucks. Plus, gasoline. So the total would be one thousand two hundred bucks each year for care and maintenance.


Flynn B not happy with being congested, under and unemployed, and simply a SPOILED BRAT! Yup. Spoiled rotten enough to throw tantrums and get away with it. My bad. Sigh.

Categories: flynnspaws

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