Dear Lawd Gawd,

I need your guidance. For some reason, there seems to be a block set before me. I’ve been wondering why I could imagine all sorts of possibilities but when I step back and dwell upon any decisions to be made, I’m always hesitant.

For example, Das Squirrel had called me this afternoon that we are to buy me a pair of hiking shoes. He emphasized that this activity is supposed to be good for my health as he has helped coach two of his friends back into good health. He also reminded me that Mom would have wanted us to get along.

In my mind and probably last week or so ago, I had envisioned that I could go hiking with him. Lo and behold, the Matrix has manifested my thought. He had called me up the following day to suggest that we go shopping this Saturday for my hiking shoes! Once again, I kid y’all NOT!

With regards to Mister Mel, the yellowish Lutino parakeet, I had a small manifestation of my thought that he is about to pass or that he could be of less burden to be with Mom in heaven than with me since he has repeatedly injured his left leg due to rickets as a baby bird.

But he is miraculously alive after talking to him in plain English that if he wants to stay in his body, that he should eat. I also talked aloud to Mom that Mister Mel threw up yesterday and the day before.

As for this morning’s phenom, Dad came downstairs around 8:25 A.M. and inquired of me if I had rapped five times on the wall. I told him that I did NOT because I was awoken by him. He saw me asleep after I have awoken around 7:38 A.M. and checked up on Mister Mel and cleaned up his tray.

I inquired of Dad if he might have misheard my tapping the kitchen sink strainer into the small, white plastic $1 trash can earlier. (You see, we do NOT use the sink grinder or clog up the sewer system with unnecessary gray water, but capture solid food waste material in the sink strainer and throw the contents into the garbage.)

So I reported the phenom to Das Squirrel via text message, which I find to be an easier and clearer form of communication. In that way, the recipient of text messages cannot deny or refute that such communication ever did happen.

Anyway, he thought that Mom passed on. I told him that maybe she is like cartoon animated character Goku from Dragon Ball and that she can teleport to visit others. (Remember, in my recent blog, that Das Squirrel reported to me that he had VERY realistic visions of Mom surrounded by glowing flames, similar to that of Goku.)

Yeah, so when Mom was alive and when we needed to go somewhere urgently that morning, Mom and/or I would rap loudly on the shared wall directly underneath Dad’s bedroom upstairs. And so this morning, Dad heard that five rapping succession and that probably freaked him out.

Also, I will point out that whenever I would publicize my weblog about my family, which I know darn well that I should avoid but continue for the sake of spiritual awakening and sharing of mundane situational dramas at the home front, and since everyone of us will pass onward, never knowing if God exists or not, Mom would RECAP almost for every word or similar train of thought of my weblog posts the following DAY!

Do NOT doubt unto moi! I believe as I blog that she is watching. Oh, and in addition, I have sensed her presence immediately to my right hand side during the Rosary Service on August 21. I was about to perform (play and sing) on the electronic keyboard (permanently located inside the Chapel of Oaks) when I sensed Mom’s presence – sitting in the frontmost section of the wooden pew!

Also, Steve (a parishioner and son of Ben who was a sacrosanct) thanked me later on last Sunday after choir mass outside the church, that he was happy to hear me play ‘If we hold on together’. Yeah, so those little things in life seem to matter. The guy was abused by his Dad. Yup.

Anyway, I crashed and slept again in the afternoon. I hope to start hiking but need to build up my strength as my wide feet and other bodily aches and pains get used to prolonged exercise activities. I used to be ‘fit’. But after graduating high school, my body shifted back to its program – thick.

So boys and girls, if y’all wanna maintain your fitness, y’all have to do so EVERY freaking day. I’ll have to break in my 10.5 inch shoes because I felt the tops of my toenails hit the inside of the 9.5 inch shoes and my left pinky knuckle rub agains the inside of the 10.0 inch shoes. I was hoping for smaller for looks but comfort is my goal. The shoes are pink. We got those at REI in Saratoga, CA.

Yeah, so Dad vacuumed upstairs and the stairway. Sometimes, I believe the women’s role is to bitch. I mean, without us making noise, the guys would just be too relaxed and nothing would seem to be done. Now that I’m too relaxed myself, nothing is being done. But Dad and I did go grocery shopping.

So we both decided that if we want to cook mungo beans or sweet rice, we would plan to go grocery shopping for the ingredients and then cook the dish that same day. It’s easy because my memories, notes, and instinct will kick in as I continue to control my mourning or grieving – two words which I have yet to understand fully in context.

Now I’d like to eat dinner but Dad is still not ready. I need to take antihistamines tonight to help with tomorrow’s singing. I’ll be a Cantor for the Responsorial Psalm. After my choir heard me perform on Mom’s funeral mass, I was invited to Cantor. I did so in the past but was NOT loud enough as I am still trying to find my voice, which is asthmatic. And then I take my usual shower to help open up my breathing and relieve my energy.

Yeah, so that’s how I blog. Take it or leave it. Once again, dear Lawd Gawd, I too need purpose in life. And if blogging daily and driving Dad is my current assignment, so be it. Although I would like to earn extra income for my funeral services and products such as prayer cards, signing book, designing monument and ledger (Vietnamese or Chinese style), I should be grateful.

But for whatever has been set before my path, I will never fully know or understand your ways. Oh, and Dad wants to join my choir. Sheesh. Amen.


Flynn B eating dinner now.

3 thoughts on “20180922-1945-Stuff

  1. Moments after my mom passed, and right after one of my sisters told me about it, I said aloud, “Mom, I love you!”, and I felt a presence or a feeling that she heard me. And then my sister proceeded to send me pic of her after she passed and then pics after they cleaned and dressed her up. The imagery was disturbing enough. And then two months later dealing with watching poor Miracle pass. He always favored Rob, so I told him to hold Miracle close and we both were saying over and over again, how much we loved him and asked Dad to let him know we love him so vary much.

    Regarding us, Rob wants his body to be cremated, and I think I want the same. I do not like the thought of rotting flesh in the ground for bugs to eat either, as per my Mom’s wishes, she said the same, so she was cremated too.

    I do pray that your featherbaby makes it and starts eating and is okay. Since birds have no fur, we can’t call them furbabies, so featherbabies, it is. 🙂

    I want to join the gym, but no $$$ to do so and the one here I like is severely overpriced. But going up and down the stairs everyday, is exercise enough, even though I’m always out of breath. Hence, the hyperbaric sessions. And my arms get the good workouts with the fascia blasting since I have to move back and forth with them. Waiting on hubby right now to blast my back and side, so it will stimulate the stones to come out. Still nothing, but I do feel better since my breakfast is late lunch and early dinner. Took me HOURS before I could even eat, and even then it was hard.

    All this coming week is pamper myself with the bodywork and all. I just need to get over this crippling fatigue and lack of energy. The newly arrived vitamins and minerals should help with that, thankfully.

    And I would LOVE to have some pink shoes. I have some gorgeous baby blue flats. If I could dig up the pic, I’ll show you sometime.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, our loved ones probably can see and hear everything from us, which is why we must control of potty mouth, speaking of which last night or the night before, I said the heck word aloud and heard a single pop afterwards. I had to apologize to Mom of course. I’ll also add ‘feather babies’ to my vocabulary. Mister Mel, who used to be very friendly to me and no longer due to the trauma he has received from my grabbing hands in returning him inside his senior cage, has been eating and seems okay as he is now ‘chewing cud’ in relaxation mode. I think maybe you need to retire from whatever is crabbing down your energy. I have the Orchid (pink and orange) Timp Trail with Fit4Her women’s specific shoe design by AltraRunning.com.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The fatigue is probably due to several things…

        First, I am 61. I do not look it, but I have the lack of energy that most 61 year olds deal with.

        Second, could be due to the poisoning from herbacide that our idiot landlord sprayed, even though we both said never ever spray ANY chemicals here. I pulled down my top and showed him the rash on my chest. I should make him pay for the expensive lasering surgery to remove nasty looking scars. I still break out here and there, but it’s much better than initially. And I think it also contributed to Miracle going downhill, among other things.

        Third, the men-o-paws is a loss of hormones and that catches up after a while. AKA freaking aging curse.

        Fourth, radiation, towers, WiFi and this crap is EVERYWHERE. I will take truckloads of orgone to help dissipate it all. I have a house full of it, but no where near a truckload. Hehe

        The Lugols iodine will help move it out, but it’s like draining a bathtub while leaving the water running. But the iodine and co-factors taken has helped me lose weight, and the fascia blasting has helped me lose inches. I think I will need to buy some radiation detox clay baths, me thinks. I need to faraday cage, or something

        This is what I look like at age 61. I don’t mind showing my pic, since it’s online elsewhere, here and there.

        Liked by 1 person

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