Dear diary,

Since I’m already fully awake and now eating two garlic cheese bread sticks while blogging, I figured that sharing more stories would help put me back to sleep.

With regards to contracts with Louise Furball, I wonder if all of us incarnated on this hellish planet without us knowing or forgetting that we already signed up for certain assignments.

I’ve a feeling that each of us has encountered that same or similar recurring themes that would bug the crap outta us. Whatever bad stuff that doesn’t seem to go away, not matter how hard we pray for better or good stuff, which we don’t always acknowledge.

So mine is the fear that I can do stuff. And though I never tried hard enough, my general theme then becomes I cannot do stuff. (This stuff was borrowed from a recent poem).

Why? It’s because I know I can’t or won’t. I can’t because it’s not practical. I won’t because I have the free will to refuse.

Then the issue comes down to – how much is enough? I guess when both parties agree. Yup. Point taken. But it seems that Louise Furball isn’t playing nice or exists as a harsh teacher.

And so those cats can become irate – which manifests as spiritual manifestations (or infestations), physical accidents, and nagging uneasy feelings.

Since none can default on any contracts, payment is warranted. My contact might have been ‘helping’. Yup. That was the deal. Helping others.

Ironic, eh? I wanted to help. And in doing so, I failed to help mostly myself. And so far two major contacts have weaseled their ways into my life for help. I believe they are ‘brothers’ though NOT related.

But I’ve a feeling there’s more to come and I probably failed to see those that I could have helped, especially my family. Louise Furball and company can and will ensure that the original sin or contractual temptation is fulfilled.

Hard core stuff. Nothing to mess around with until death do us part, I guess. I’ve finished my two bread sticks and now I’m eating popcorn.

So I can only ask JC and company to help and intervene on my behalf because I’m stupid. Mercifully so, I already knew the answer – do the best and leave everything else up to ‘them’.

Funny thing with contracts and the ‘at will’ to terminate stuff, I guess I am the one who refuses to let go. I still believe I can do stuff. Hmm. I’m must be the stubborn one.

And so yesterday afternoon, I got a call from the headhunter and the client sounded like that wanted me to start today. But the headhunter didn’t call me back.

And as part of this karma, working in a good paying job is NOT gonna happen again. I could have reinvented myself – go back to school, create and sell stuff. But no. It’s no use to externalize fault.

I guess I’m stuck as an armchair commentator of the current state of affairs. And I don’t know if my incoming or nagging thoughts are whispers from and by ‘them’ or just fascinating stuff created outta the imaginations of a bored yet SPOILED brat.

Oh yeah I guess Dad is correct that I don’t need to work. He’s NOT rich but okay. A true champion who believes women should stay at home. He’s hopeless without someone. Poor guy. I should be nicer to elderly humanz.

Plus, I know that I wouldn’t fair well with others. Being gullible always saying yeah or yes to anything (those who know my thoughts VERY well, know this is true), being fearful of NOT being accepted into any group due to moderate hearing loss, and being less than PERFECT, giving rise to general insecurities and small anxieties.

Wow! It’s now 0332 am and I can see that my dashboard is constantly ‘Autosaving’ my stuff, which is nothing compared to skilled writers. I’m still chewing popcorn. Might as well be a fatty.

That’s it for now. I better stop or else finish I’ll end up finishing the whole plastic container of popcorn.


Flynn B wise to shut up once in a while but is too stubborn to move on and out and to try something different.

Categories: flynnspaws

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